Tales of woe after the storms. (2007)

Tale Submitted by: Dave Thomas

I wrote this a long time ago, as you will see (2007) whilst analog and digital were both broadcasting together and Sky was a little more of a novelty, but I hope it is of interest.:

I have just got back from a job at a set of four council-owned old peoples’ bungalows. They are in a clearing amongst large trees in a very low-lying village (not far from the previous photos). I had recently become aware that they had each sprouted large new aerials but hadn’t taken much notice as I was late, as usual, for another job.
Anyway, the first I knew was a phone call from and old fellow, after the recent high winds, to say that the old lady next doors’ aerial had blown down and that I was to phone her on his number during the evenings as she would be with him watching his TV. He also said that they were not happy as the aerials had cost so much and they were having no joy in tracking down the installer.
A past customer of mine in the village had suggested that he should phone me.

When I arrived, I found a sorry sight. There were four semi-detached bungalows each with their own single chimney. Or rather three had chimneys and one didn’t.
The one without a chimney had a pile of bricks along side it and an enormous Televes DAT 75  triple boom multi element on a 16ft mast tied to the drainpipe at one corner.
The next bungalow had a chimney and screwed to it was a single 2 prong 12″ x 12″ wall bracket. This held two 6 or 8 ft masts joined together with a pair of clamps and another DAT 75 with cable draped from it and looped down the mast.
The third bungalow, where I was going had most of a chimney with a large horizontal split and no sign of an aerial. (Another DAT 75 later found lying on the back of the roof).
The fourth chimney was largely intact and had another DAT 75 half way down a 16 ft mast, again on a 12 x 12 wall bracket, screwed to the chimney and more untidy cable.

The owner of this last one saw me coming and turned out to be the one who had phoned me. He was the talkative type but didn’t hear too well, so communication was a bit one sided. He went on to tell me that all 4 bungalows had always had a lot of trouble with reception and could never see much especially in the summer. He had then bought a freeview box from a local small TV shop, expecting magic results. Of course he got nothing! Returning to the shop, they arranged for their aerial installer to call to sort out the problem.
His old lady neighbour had taken a different approach, 2 or 3 years before and had a sky dish fitted on her chimney and taken out a “Family Pack” subscription so that she could watch Channels 1 to 5. (More on this later). The other two bungalows were too close to the trees, according to Sky and couldn’t see the satellite so they were stuck with terrestrial reception.

The aerial installer arrived and proceeded to “install” the aerial mentioned before and facing it towards Hannington. This gave absolutely unwatchable results with multi, multi ghosting on analogue and therefore on the VCR but, to the customers delight, a “purfek” picture with the “digi’ul” !!
Mr Talkative was delighted (even if it did cost £500 !!) and he told his other three neighbours.
The old lady next door was delighted that she would no longer HAVE to pay Sky to get channels 1 to 5 (!) and the aerial installer even volunteered to take down her dish when she booked her own £500 installation.
The other two neighbours followed suit although one did cost a bit less, presumably because the two joined together masts were retained!
The next part of the story was totally predictable. The signals started to break up. (“Them was still perfek, you know, it’s just that summat had come a bit loose,” he told me)
The “installer” was called back and he “tightened” the aerials. Things went from bad to worse and apparently the “pikchers was still “purfek” but “them was too bad to watch”!!
The installer came back and had a brain wave. He faced all four aerials in the opposite direction to pick up Hannington as a reflection from the hills, still through the trees. Analogue still totally impossible but digital ok, sometimes, on some channels. And that’s where the aerials had stayed for some months…..until the winds of the 18th Jan….

I found my customer’s aerial lying on the back of the roof complete with 16ft mast and 12″x12″ single wall bracket and 50mm !!! coach bolts and plastic plugs still attached. The top two courses of the chimney and the concrete slab top had split off and rested on an angle. The roof tiles had miraculously survived. It was the first time that I had actually handled a DAT 75 aerial and it was remarkably heavy.
I spent some time showing my customer and her neighbour why the problem had occurred and saying what I thought!  I don’t think Mr Talkative really understood the seriousness of it all and how dangerous each installation was. He was more interested in telling me that his picture had never been as good and that he wanted me to put the old ladies’ aerial back with longer bolts and that they wanted to keep the aerials as they were as they had cost so much. At this point he had to go off for a doctors’ appointment, which was a bit of a relief as I could concentrate on the job.
As it happened, once he had gone and the actual customer was allowed to speak for herself, she was perfectly alert and communicative and she told me that she had never been happy with such a large aerial on the chimney and would I be able to fit it on the end wall? This was going to be a much more sensible and secure idea but I had my doubts that there would be any chance of getting a usable signal. I explained that she could have a small dish and have all the main channels free after buying a £20 card and she couldn’t believe that the other installer had not told her this. This would, of course, have been a wasted visit for him. She had given her old Sky box away and the “aerial man” had removed the dish and left it in the back garden. To keep everyone happy and to satisfy my own curiosity, I did test the terrestrial signal at every possible spot around the house and garden but it was obvious that if I did reuse the aerial, I would be in for constant callouts and hassle. To cut an even longer story short, I explained that I would find a good used Sky box and install her dish out of all harms way on the gable end of the bungalow and order a Freesat card for channels 4 and 5.
I returned the following day and completed the job. Much to her delight, the customer was back to her well-known Sky menus and one remote handset rather than two, and she couldn’t believe how many channels she could get without any subscription.

Her neighbour, Mr Talkative, watched with interest as I did the whole job and I reinforced my opinions about the aerials, the previous installer, the dangers involved and the likely unreliability of the signal etc, but he still chose to keep his aerial, as it was, tall mast screwed to the chimney with 50mm bolts and plastic plugs and cable flapping as he “didn’t want to waste the money that he had paid for it” !!!  I wonder if the council would feel the same?

The other two neighbours came out from time to time to inspect progress but made no mention of their plans so I thought it best to leave them to check on the results with my customer and make up their own minds.